Beautiful inside and out?

I decided to take a shower this morning rather than tonight just to get it out of the way. Most people have mirrors in their bathrooms, and ours just happens to be right in front of the shower; obviously I look in it. Well most people would think given my size that I am really unhappy with the way I look. That’s not the case I don’t hate the way I look. If you would of asked me how I felt about the way I looked 6 months ago, I would of told you I hated what I saw when I looked into the mirror. I didn’t really make any drastic new year’s resolutions this year because it’s honestly pointless. Most people can stick with them for MAYBE 3 month’s tops. So I decided to make only a few, and I didn’t really announce it to anyone because it’s not really a big deal.

The first one that I made was to simply love myself for who I am and what I look like. I realized that I will NEVER be a size 2 no matter how small I am or how hard I try. God didn’t make me to be a size 2! My family mainly on my dad’s side is big boned. Nothing you can change about that, you just have to accept it. That doesn’t make them or me any less beautiful. If someone doesn’t like the way you look oh well! It is not the end of the world. For a long time I have struggled with my weight.

When I went to the doctor in November I was at my heaviest weight EVER. I cried after I left my appointment because I was ashamed at how big I had let myself get. Yes that’s right I LET myself get that big. McDonalds didn’t force those fries down my throat; Taco Bell didn’t put a gun to my head to make me eat an extra taco. I ate too much food. Why? Because I LOVE food. Having PCOS didn’t make me fat. Having PCOS just made it very hard for me to lose weight, and believe me I have tried many times before.

I only made 2 this year because I didn’t feel the need to make more. I know I am only writing about one, but the other one is just a personal one that I don’t feel the need to share with everyone.  My ultimate goal is to be 130lbs, but I do have a long way to go before I am that small. My goal for right now is for my wedding dress to be too big. I know its sill, but it would mean so much to me, when I go in for my first fitting and for it to be too big. I am not changing for anyone but myself. If you don’t like the way I look just keep it to yourself. I don’t need negative feedback from anyone. Jesse loves me for me, no matter if I am 100lbs or 300lbs.  Up until now I haven’t been ready to face the fact that I am fat. Not chubby, chunky, heavy or anything simply fat and I know that. But you know what I am ok with that; for now. Sense November I have lost a total of 15lbs. it’s not much, but it’s a start, and I am so happy that I am finally able to lose weight.

 I am starting a new diet that my doctor recommended next week (it’s stupid to start a diet in the middle of the week) so hopefully by October I will be smaller. I don’t have a goal weight for October because if I don’t achieve it I won’t beat myself up over it. As long as I keep losing it I will be happy even if it’s one lb a week. Roam wasn’t built over night, and I won’t be a “bombshell” over night either. The number on the scale DOES NOT make me who I am, or determine my beauty.

I found this on Pintrest and I really liked it alot!

Oh Sweet Canvas!

Once again Pintrest inspired me to make 2 new projects, although I really only like the way one of them turned out I will post the like to one of my inspirations at the end of my post.

This is my favorite!
The quote is on our save the date




Add caption

Both of my projects are the same concept just different quotes and methods to do them. The first one I did was taking my blank canvas and sticking letters onto it and then spray painting over it. Nothing fancy about it really.. Although I did figure out those stickers don’t stick to a blank canvas very well. So if you decided to do this project paint your canvas first with white paint or whatever color paint you want to show up after you remove the letters. My original plan was to take the stickers off after the spray paint dried, except for some reason (probably because I skipped the painting the canvas step) the spray paint ended up bleeding under the letters so I couldn’t peal the letters of, so I kept the colorful letters on the canvas.

My second project was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. I did a painting awhile back and really liked it when I first did it, but now I hate it. So I decided to do the same project on my big canvas, but with a different quote. I LOVE the way this on turned out. It is way better then the first one by far.

The second project took a bit more time then the first one because I had to peal all the letters off. Fyi if you decide to do this one, make sure you take the letters off with the paint still wet, because if you let the paint dry it is really hard and annoying to get the letters off. I used a razor blade and my finger nails (which are now black and gross because of it). The letters slid under my finger nails a few times while removing them so now the tips of my fingers hurt and I had to cut my nails : (
http://2pawsdesigns.blogspot.com/2011/09/canvas-quote-art.html



This one is ok but I really like how it looks after!

 

Insomnia:2 Ashley:0

Thursday night after I got home from work insomnia decided to pay me a visit AGAIN!! I hate not being able to sleep and these past 2 weeks or so, I just haven’t been feeling like myself. Well usually when I can’t sleep I bake, or make a new art project. I decided to FINALLY make my dad cake balls again. The first time I made cake balls was when Becca was about 6 months pregnant so September possibly. The cake balls we made took forever because we did everything by hand, but boy were they good! This time I actually used a cake pan that already shaped them into balls. The only downside to that is I didn’t think they were very moist, but my family loved them so that’s all that matters. I had lots of left over chocolate from the coating that I decided to make chocolate covered strawberries too..YUMM!!!

 

 After I finished baking, I thought I would be nice and clean the kitchen, and do the dishes. Around 9:30am my dad asked if I could baby sit so he and my uncle could go to Menards. So I got to play with y little cousin all morning. She is just a little ham! She always cracks me up when I see her. I asked her if she wanted to help bring in water bottles with me and she went down stairs with me and when she would put a bottle in the bag she would clap and smile.

Around 2 I finally went to sleep, but had to be up so I could go to work by 9 that night. I got early though so I actually was able to get some sleep, because Saturday I was up all night again! I honestly don’t know what’s going on. Saturday night Jesse and I went to his best friend’s house to see them for awhile, but we didn’t end up leaving until 2:30am so again no sleep on Saturday night because I got on my laptop to only check my email, and ended up on facebook and Pintrest. Well I got the notion to do some craft projects. I am making another blog right after this with pictures and detail of what I did.

Sunday I spent most of the day doing 2 projects. Every Sunday night we watch Once Upon A Time on abc..I love that show, but I was so tired because I still hadn’t went to sleep that I started nodding off in between commercials. Well Jesse made a pizza for dinner for us and I sat down to watch the newest episode of Grimm with him, and I made it maybe 10 minutes into the show and knew I needed to go to bed. So I went to sleep finally, he said It probably took about 3 minutes for me to fall asleep, I was BEYOND tired. So after I woke up today jesse came over and we went to the mall and out to lunch and I came home and finished my project.

Dinner is now cooking, we will watch The Lying Game at 8 and then I go to work….such an eventful life : )

..Or waiting for their hair to grow

When I went and seen Jesse after work tonight, I looked at him and said “babe, it’s time for another haircut” he just looked at me and rolled his eyes and smiled. I knew I needed to some home and share this little story with everyone, because I think its funny.

Right before we took our engagement pictures I told him he needed to get a haircut…well like genius I am, I went out and bought some clippers or whatever the thing is called to cut guys hair. Let me tell you I may think my ideas are great at the time but later on I have to admit that it probably wasn’t the greatest idea to do that.

So I cut his right…I didn’t think it looked bad until Becca pointed out that I shaved his side burns off.. I felt horrible! I was trying to be nice and save him money, and all I did was mess his hair up! After we got the pictures back I felt even worse. The cut wasn’t too bad, but it was definitely noticeable. Jesse being Jesse though, he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, even though he noticed it the minute I did it. Kissed me and said thank you, that he loved it. He is such a good guy, but I mean if he would of cut my hair and messed up I would of flipped! That’s not him though.

I being the genius that I am somehow convinced my little brother to let me cut his hair! I did WAY better on his hair, which I felt even worse because Jesse’s hair still looked bad. Needless to say, I have cut Jesse’s hair 2 or 3 times sense the first time, and I now know how to cut his hair without taking off his sideburns.  I now find it funny looking at some of the pictures with his horrible first haircut from me.

As you can see...clean line where his side burn should be..oops!

“...for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No  or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.”

                This quote is from Oh, the places you’ll go! By Dr.Seuss (I LOVE Dr. Seuss)

Projects

Well this blog was supposed to be done last night, but work and lack of sleep got the best of me this weekend.

Friday night I only worked till 5, and then my wonderful fiancé surprised me by taking me out to dinner to olive garden! YUM!!! I love that place so much. After dinner we went over to his best friend’s house and watched a movie with them, and the guys played video games while me and his fiancé talked about the wedding and the kids. Friday night is when I got the wonderful urge to bake cupcakes after we left his best friend’s house. Well by the time I got done baking it was already almost 6 in the morning on Saturday, and people at home were starting to get up, and I had an appointment at 12 so it just didn’t make any sense for me to go to sleep, so I stayed up. 

After my appointment, I went to Michaels craft store so I could get some stuff to do glass etching. I was super excited to do the glass etching when I got home! The pictures I took weren’t very good of the finished project, but I just etched my new last name on one of my Pyrex dishes with a design on both sides of our name. I LOVE the way it turned out and I can’t wait till I can etch more!

 The other projects I wanted to do were, finish my crayon projects I started a few weeks back. The crayon projects are super easy, you just glue crayons to a blank canvas and use a hair dryer to melt the crayon. Super easy. So far I have done 4 crayon projects, and I really love how they all turned out. Well by the time I finished my projects on Saturday it was 5:30 pm. Well my grandma made salmon patties for dinner (I don’t like fish very much) so I asked my mom to go get me a pizza for dinner, I was so tired by that time that I fell asleep waiting for my dinner.

After I took a 2 hour nap I woke up and ate my cold pizza, and waited for Jesse to come pick me up so we could go see my best friend. We stayed over at her house till 10:30 or so and I got to play with Kylie. I love that little girl, she is so stinking cute! Sunday I spent all day in bed, because I had a horrible headache all day, but around 9:30 I woke up and my headache was just about gone so we went to a movie. We went and seen the devil inside me….weird movie….horrible ending...not much else to say about that.

Hopefully I’ll be able to finish my other project before the weekend, it’s my last blank canvas and it’s just taking up space in my room. Just got to figure out which project I want to do with it. New blog and pictures later this week!

Death by Oreo!!!! (You will need a BIG glass of milk)

 Ok so first I want to state that Pintrest is the BEST site ever! If I am not on Facebook, I am on Pintrest. For those of you who don’t know what Pintrest is, it’s an online pin board where you can “pin” things you like. If you do not have a Pintrest account I recommend getting one very soon!Anyways I have been feeling like baking/cooking something I have found on Pintrest for awhile now….well insomnia got the best of me tonight and I baked; All night. I felt the urge to go to wal-mart at 1 in the morning and get everything I needed to make these cupcakes. I will post pictures and the actual site with the recipe on it at the end of this post.

Wal-mart in general I don’t like very much, and at 1 in the morning all the drunken weird people come out. I mean have any of you seen peopleofwalmart.com? If I am having a bad day I usually pop on over to the web page and have a good laugh at all the crazy people at Wal-Mart. Tonight was no exception by any means. I got to Wal-mart and they had the stupid aisle blocked off for waxing the floor, so I had to go all the way around to get to the baking aisle. Well then I decided I needed new frosting tips and cupcake liners even though I knew I had BOTH at home. So I walked back to the craft area to get the stuff, and this weird guy decided he was going to check me out and ask for my number even though I told him TWICE I was engaged; hence the ring on my finger.  This is one of the many reasons I hate Wal-mart.

So I finally get everything I need to make these cupcakes; by this time it’s already 1:45am. At night there are only 2 checkout lanes open, 20 items or less and the normal one...Do you think lazy people can walk to the normal checkout lane!? Nope! This guy had 25 items and he took his sweet old time checking out and talking to the cashier about this cut he has. Gross I know whatever. Once I finally get checked out I am just so ready to go home by this point it’s not funny. So I went home and started getting everything out to bake the cupcakes, only I don’t have the Oreos OR the liners. So I called Wal-mart and went back and got the stuff, only having to stand in line for another 10 minutes…

I got in line, and of course, there are 6 people in front of me. So I’m waiting in line, and here comes these 2 very large ladies who I am hoping were drunk, and not that obnoxious sober. But then again its late night at Wal-mart so who really knows. These ladies were going on and on about how they had back and shoulder problems and, blah, blah, blah, they were just pure annoying. The two guys in front of me were saying how they need to start recording visits to Wal-mart so they could have a good laugh later, because of all the weird people late night.  

Well I finally get my stuff and get home and it’s already 2:30…so I finally get to start baking. The overall process to making these are really simple. The batter is just chocolate cake mix and you follow the directions on the box, and then you add chopped up Oreos to the mix. After you put the liners in the pan you place an Oreo at the bottom of every one, and pour the batter over the Oreo,so it’s like a surprise in every bite! (I used 1/4 cup to measure the batter and got exactly 24 cupcakes)The frosting is just homemade cream cheese frosting (I am not a big fan btw I prefer butter cream) which Jesse likes a lot, so I made it that way. After you add everything to the frosting you are suppose to add more chopped Oreos to it, so its cookies n’ cream. I used my food processor, instead of trying to chop them up, which made things go WAY faster! For baking time I just followed the box directions. I checked them after 18 minutes and the toothpick came out with a lot of batter still on it so I cooked them for another 7 minutes and they were perfect! (I didn’t finish baking and cleaning up until 5:30am)

 After I frosted them I just couldn’t resist trying one, and OH MY GOSH they were good! The froting was a bit much though(I should of used WAY less...overpowering kind of) Taste wise, the frosting wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, it was kind of tart though, and I read somewhere, that if you use unsalted butter it helps so it’s not as tart. I personally think butter cream frosting would have been better!  

This is the website with the recipe on it http://www.instructables.com/id/Death-By-Oreo-Cupcakes/

  

MMMM! Frosting!

 

  





Suprise in every bite!

Big tip: when putting the ground up oreos into the frosting MAKE sure there are no chunks of cookie in the mix or it will clump up when you are trying todecorate with the frosting bag!

Bridal Expo!!

So Alyssa (my maid of Honor) and I went to the bridal expo today(My other brides maid, Becca, was supposed to come with me but kylie was keeping her all to herself today), and I didn’t really expect much just kind of going to get some cards for a DJ or ideas for bride’s maid’s dresses, or whatever I could find. When you first walk into the bridal expo the bride is supposed to register so you can win the “big” prizes and what not. So I registered and waited in line to get into the main room, except we didn’t know that you could just walk In, so we probably stood there for a good 5 minutes before following these other girls, who obviously paid more attention then we did. The main room had tons of little “booths” set up all around the room with a catwalk in the center, for the fashion show.

Well we walked around the room, and put my name in a bunch of different drawings to try and win stuff. I wanted to try and find a workout class, or something along the lines of that. We found this lady who released 26lbs. She didn’t lose, she released them. The lady was talking to Alyssa, and told her she “knew people around her needed to lose weight!”…well Thank You lady for not so bluntly pointing out that I needed to lose some weight, nothing I haven’t heard before. Other than that minor mistake she was nice. The funny thing was the girl who actually won the workout/yoga package she was offering, was this skinny girl who looked like she needed a cheeseburger or something. Crazy people.

The bridal fashion show started and we seen some really pretty dresses. We got some good ideas about what we did and didn’t like for brides maids dresses. I am pretty sure I found my flower girl dress too! The little girl who modeled the dress was so stinking cute; you could just eat her up. In between the scenes, the models would go and change dresses, fix hair, makeup, and accessories. When the models were changing the hosts would call names for prizes and say thanks to all the vendors. The only “big” prizes I really wanted to win were invitations, and a DJ. I honestly didn’t really care about winning anything else.



This is one of the two dresses I really liked for the flower girl.



On the stage there were these really big white ostrich feathers. They were pretty, but not anything I ever would have put up there. They were just big and obnoxious, and they looked really out of place. Alyssa and I kept joking about stuff the whole time we were there like winning the laser hair removal, or the Tupperware, or the florist who did the ostrich feather thing.

At the end of the fashion show is when the drawing for the “big” prizes are drawn. The rules are simple if you’re not there you don’t get your prize. Simple right?! Well anyways people kept getting up and leaving before they called all the prize winners. When the florist name was called I made a joke to Alyssa and said “man I really hope I win this, I want those ostrich feathers at my reception” sure enough guess whose name was called!?!? That’s right my name. of all the things I would of rather won. The prize is actually not too bad, $300 towards flowers for my wedding/reception. I honestly wanted to win invitations or a DJ, but I will settle for $300 for flowers. It’s free so why not.

Overall today was a success. Won $300 for flowers, made my brides maids dress appointment, and an appointment for Jesse to go try on a tux to get an idea of what looks good together. Now I am just relaxing and waiting for family to come over for cake and ice cream for my grandpa’s birthday.

Reflections

This past year was not easy by any means, but I am sure it could have been a lot harder. It brought a lot of trials and tribulations, joys and sorrows, ups and downs, but one thing is for sure this past year has made me stronger.

In January I lost my grandmother on my dad’s side. Her death was not unexpected, but it didn’t make it any easier. My grandma had scleroderma which is a chronic connective tissue disease generally classified as one of the autoimmune rheumatic diseases. The word scleroderma literally means hard skin. The summer of 2010 I got to stay with my aunt and her family for a week, and I don’t think they will ever know how grateful I was to see my grandma one last time before she died. My dad doesn’t get along with his family and as a result I grew up not really knowing very much of his family. When I turned 18 though my dad said I could do what I want and I am so happy I did because I had no idea that would be the last time I seen her. The funeral was so beautiful and getting to see my dad’s family was really comforting to me. When grandma died though I started talking to my cousins more which is a blessing in disguise.

RIP grandma, I will always love you

In March my best friend told me she was pregnant. I was beyond shocked. She had cancer and was told she was probably not going to be able to conceive, and well that obviously was not true. I had the privilege of being with her through her entire pregnancy. I threw her a baby shower and was there for her when she found out she had mold growing on her walls and they needed to be torn down. Mind you she was 8 months pregnant at the time. She stayed with me for 2 weeks straight while her room was being redone. On December 14, 2011 her and her fiancé were in a car accident that sent her into labor. Becca was in labor for 18 hours and on December 15, 2011 she gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl named Kylie Mianette, I was so honored that I was asked to be a part of the birth of her daughter. Kylie brought me and becca so much closer and for that I’m am so grateful.



Kylie Mianette



In June Jesse and I announced our engagement!

In November I was diagnosed with PCOS which stands for polycystic ovary syndrome. This basically means that I have a lot of small cysts on my ovaries which make it difficult for eggs to be released. End result is having children may be difficult for us. So my doctor started me on a medication called metformin…ughh awful drug let me tell you. This drug will make you sick if you eat cretin things, and well most the time I am just sick, no matter what I eat or don’t eat. The only upside to this medication is that I am losing weight, sadly its only cause I don’t keep stuff in me long enough to be absorbed.



Birthday Girl! Happy First Birthday Felicia



My youngest cousin turned 1 on November 10. Oh my goodness she is cute! She is so full of life and just overall a happy little girl.

On a side note my mom has been clean of alcohol for over a year now and I couldn’t be more proud of her!

Well this past year was hard, and this blog doesn’t even begin to show how much has changed and happened but those were the main things that came to mind. My favorite bible verse definitely came to mind a lot this year and I think it’s true.

                “I can do all things through him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13



When it first started

When Jesse and I first met, he was 21 and I was 16. It was my first job, and the only thing I remember when I first saw him, was he had on these yellow and black shoes and thinking I wonder what it felt like to kiss him. Stupid I know, but I couldn’t help it. After that day we flirted non-stop. He was always asking when I would go out with him and I would always joke around and say never.

In the summer of 2009 we had our first kiss in his driveway and it took him forever to finally ask me to be his girlfriend

On December 26, 2009 he finally asked me to be his girlfriend and I just couldn’t say no, after that we were totally inseparable. New Year’s Eve was our first official date. He took me to hooters of all places! But it was probably one of the best dates I had ever been on. He was so funny, I spent most of the night laughing and just joking around with him.

On February 13, 2011 he gave me my promise ring for a birthday gift and I thought he was proposing then, but 4 months later I got my proposal.

On June 26, 2011, our 18 month anniversary he popped the question. He took me to olive garden for dinner and I didn’t think anything of it because it’s one of my favorite places to eat. When dinner was finished, he asked if I wanted dessert and I was so full I said no, but he ordered it anyway. When the waiter brought out our dessert and set it down, I went to grab my fork and I looked down at the plate and my engagement ring was sitting in the dessert. Somehow between the time we finished dinner and ordered dessert he gave the waiter my ring without me knowing it. He got down on one knee and said he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me.

So here we are planning the wedding which is only 9 months away, we still have so much to do and it’s very crazy around the house lately, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t wait till I walk down the aisle to my future husband and spend the rest of my life with him.